Booby Wars
| Booby Wars |
|
It was a decision I was on the fence about up until the very moment that I delivered my first child. I remember sitting in recovery, having my episiotomy stitched up and watching my husband hold our brand new baby girl. I was so incredibly elated, but also so incredibly exhausted. As I watched my husband hold our daughter I knew at that point that there was no way I wanted to breastfeed. Pregnancy is hard on a woman. Once you become pregnant you will become immersed in messages that breast is best, that everyone can and should breastfeed and that breast milk is the best way to feed your new baby. I am not here to disagree with those statements. I believe that breast is best, to a point. I believe that breast milk is the best nutrition for a new baby. I do, I really do. Unfortunately, not everyone can or wants to breastfeed. I was one of those who simply didn’t want to. For nine long months we have to watch every single thing that we eat, that we drink, what forms of exercise we do. Our body is no longer our own and we dedicate every waking moment to that human being growing inside of us. So for me, as soon as I delivered my daughter I knew that I was ready and willing to share in the responsibility of her feeding and care. I had read every thing that I could get my hands on regarding pregnancy and delivery. I read books, and websites, and blogs, you name it. Each and every one told me that breast was best, but I just couldn’t get on board. It was the exact moment though, when I watched my husband holding our baby daughter that I was done taking all the responsibility for her health and wellness. Call me selfish, but the thought of breastfeeding exhausted me. Aside from the fact that I can’t get past the ‘ick’ factor with regards to breast feeding, I had just been though 28 hours of labour and all I wanted to do was rest. I enjoyed so much watching my husband feed our daughter and bond with her that that was all the reassurance I needed that I had made the right decision. But still, I am judged because I didn’t breastfeed. I made the best choice that I could for myself and my daughter. I have had 3 more children and didn’t breastfeed any of them either with the exception of pumping for a month for my 4th as he was in the NICU for 2 weeks after birth. It is assumed by many ‘lactivists’ that those of us who choose not to breastfeed are not properly educated as to the health benefits of breastfeeding. It is assumed that if we just knew the importance of breastfeeding that we would of course breastfeed and love every minute of it. Well, that is not the case.
Bookmark
Email this
Trackback(0)TrackBack URI for this entryComments (34)Subscribe to this comment's feedBooby Wars
It's unfortunate that mothers continue to judge. Being a parent is the toughest (yet most rewarding job in the world) and one would hope we would support each other in the decisions we make on what is best for our family. It's very brave of you to write about this. You made a decision that worked for you and your family - I applaud you.
,
August 30, 2009
|
Good for you!
I breastfed both my girls cause I knew it was something I wanted to do from the moment I gave birth. But I was never super fanatical about it. I did it because, for me, it was easy and cheap and just made sense.
When we took our prenatal class it was 8 hours long and 4 of those hours were spent on breastfeeding and 10 minutes on bottle. My husband spoke up and said "Can we move on now? I'm sure not everyone in the room plans on breastfeeding, and even so, we get it, we're good now." It's a personal choice and I don't think it should be pushed down anyone's throat. Good for you for making a choice and not letting the lactivists get to you!
,
August 30, 2009
|
...
Great job Kelli... it is a completely personal choice. Both sides need equal respect!
,
August 30, 2009
|
so true  Thanks Kelli for such a honest and truthful view of breast feeding, thank you for being brave in the face of opposition.
,
August 31, 2009
|
Respect
People have to respect that if you are happy and comfortable in your decisions then nobody else should judge.
,
August 31, 2009
|
Thank you
Thank you Kelli for sharing your side. I too beleive that there are many woman than feel the same.
,
August 31, 2009
|
Mothers Should Support One Another - No Matter the Differences
Kelli, congratulations for speaking your mind on the very important topic of... Tolerance.
You thought I was going to say breastfeeding, didn't you? Nope. I think it's more important to be supportive and accepting of one another as mothers (goodness knows women and mothers and wives and sisters and daughters have *enough* challenges to face and crosses to bear) than is the decision to breastfeed or not. It's also more important to teach our children to be tolerant and accepting of one another (but I'm stealing that thought from YMC's earnestgirl http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/motherhoods_lessons). Kudos to you, your children are happy and healthy and you made the right decision for your family.
,
August 31, 2009
|
what works for you
What works for you may not work for others.
People need to understand that. I did breastfeed (& it was exhausting!) For me it was a good decision, as my son was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid. It was detected about a week after his birth. He has been on medication since it was detected. He's a perfectly healthy fella, but the Doc told me the 1st week he was getting his "thyroid" he needed from me. In saying that, I still think that anything a woman chooses to do with her body is up to her, but it's weird to know that my decision was affecting both of us (in a good way). As long as the children are healthy, that's all that truly matters
,
August 31, 2009
|
...
Great article Kelli! I know so many women that were unable or uninterested in breastfeeding. They are all the greatest mothers. It makes me crazy when mothers can judge other moms, especially when we are the only ones who understand how hard motherhood is.
,
August 31, 2009
...
Great piece, so honest! As mothers we need to be supportive of one another and less judgmental. The most important thing is doing what's right for your family. Motherhood isn't a one size fits all kind of thing.
,
August 31, 2009
...
Great piece and glad you wrote it to give the other side of the coin. I breastfed my son for 4 months because I thought that was the best thing for him and the nurses were a bit pushy on the subject. It was the worst 4 months ever. I wish it would have been a beautiful bonding experience but it was painful, tiring and frustrating for both of us. It wasn't that I was doing it wrong I'm just not built for it so I ended up having to give him a bottle too. So when my daughter came around I knew I wasn't going put either of us through that and she's just as healthy as her brother.
I write this because had I listened to my body and had the guts to just say no I could have enjoyed my son more in those first few months and that it what is really important. I'm glad you listened to yourself and didn't give into to pressure that surrounds all new mom's in this era.
,
August 31, 2009
...
Each of us has to find our own parenting path - only we know what will work for us and our families.Great post!
,
August 31, 2009
|
...
Great post, Kelli. I agree with you. It is a woman's personal decision to breastfeed. No one should feel pressure to do it. Moms have enough guilt to deal with and enough things to worry about. I was never breastfed, and my mom and I have a bond that is stronger than ever! I also had a very healthy childhood. If you want to breastfeed, great - I did breastfeed both my boys for 6 months each - and I loved it, however, that is just me! If someone doesn't do it, there baby will be fine and healthy, too.
,
September 01, 2009
|
...
Excellent post! It is so disappointing that this day people continue to pass judgement on others for this. Most of this judgement comes from other women...which is so unfortunate...we are supposed to be there for each other, support each other. Being a mom is so hard...it's challenging and exhausting while at the same time so rewarding and exhilarating. As long as the children are being cared for, loved, and provided everything they need in this messed up world we live in...who the hell cares whether they are fed from a boob or a bottle.
Thanks for sharing your side!
,
September 02, 2009
Nice Job
Great article Kelli. I, like you, had no desire to breastfeed. I did for 3 brutal months with my first born...I hated every second of it and great resentful of her and my husband's freedom to come and go. When my second came along I hummed and hawed, there is so much pressure to breastfeed and I really didn't want to. It just didn't feel natural to me so when the nurse said "breast or bottle?" I said "bottle" with such confidence and relief. It was truly the best decision I made for all of us! Great article. More people need to hear your story!
,
September 02, 2009
|
Be true to yourself
I think it's great that you know yourself so well. I tried to breast feed, but wasn't able to. I didn't stress about it and I didn't force the issue. I simply went with the flow. My daughter is 4, and very healthy.
I, too recognize that breast milk is the best thing for a baby, but thankfully we have really good alternate options.
,
September 02, 2009
Always do what you feel is best
I have MS and was unable to breast feed, but found an added bennifit to bottle feeding. My husband was able to spend some of those lovely bonding moments feeding his daughter. They have such a great closeness now and I atribute these feedings to some of that.
,
September 02, 2009
Yes, More Tolerance Please
Natalie said it so well above (and not because she linked to me, promise. I saw her tweet this link & the word tolerance, so I came to visit). So glad I did - it is wonderful to see calm discussion, tolerance and respect of such a sensitive issue. Our community is served by listening to each other, not judging each other.
p.s. I was born during the liberated wave of babies in the 60's & 70's. Our mothers were taught to be emancipated from breastfeeding & used almost exclusively bottlefeeding. Pretty sure I turned out ok.
,
September 02, 2009
|
Breastfeeding is just one decision
Kelli, this is a great post mostly because of your willingness to be honest and direct. I happen to have made a different decision, but does that make me like or respect you any less? No! Does it make you like or respect me any less? I certainly hope not! I see so much judgement between moms, and find it so curious. Breastfeeding is just one decision, one of thousands each mom and family will make through the life of a child. Why does it seem so easy for people to look for the differences between two moms and encourage animosity? Why can't we all just realize that we all want the best for our kids, we will do what we can, and what feels right at the time. It sounds as though yours was the right decision for you and people should respect it. There are many ways to be a great mom, and we all need to remember that in each moment we are all trying to do the best we can. Perhaps there are other things that you will naturally do that another mom won't that nurtures and supports your children's well-being. It's shortsighted to judge a mom by her stance on breastfeeding, and even more so to argue about it as though the decision belonged to someone else.
Enjoy your happy, healthy kids, mama!
,
September 02, 2009
Booby Wars
Woman's Body, Woman's decision, There should be no questions asked or pressures put upon them
,
September 02, 2009
Brave women
I guess I also had two trans of thought on this issue, as well, but when I was pregnant with my first child 43 years ago, when it was quite the norm to breastfeed, I, too, decided not to do it. My doctor told me that he would never try to convince a mother to do it because he had seen too many who got frustrated or at some point down the road had to stop because the child wasn't getting enough nutrition. Of course, the nurses tried to convince me but to no avail. I had two more children and bottle fed them, as well. They were all healthy children and the youngest of them is the author of this article. Well done Kelli!
,
September 02, 2009
...
I'm a big believer in breast feeding, for myself. I know some people can be very aggressive about their views when it comes to someone else's choice. I mean, we're not talking about spanking your kids (oh, there's another controversy topic). I commend you for thinking about your options and making the choice that worked for you, for your family. Sometimes it can take great courage to go against the flow. It's too bad we as women and mothers can't be more supportive of each other.
Love the title too :-)
,
September 02, 2009
|
...
Kuddos to you Kelli. I breastfed all four of my kids, the twins tandem, and let me tell you there were days I wanted to run away from home. It can be really tough being the only source of food.
We all have our reasons for choosing which way works best for us and our families and the important thing is that we have support for our decisions for those who love us and that we see there is more than one way to do something and still have a positive outcome. And something that doesn't really get talked about is the whole utilitarian versus sexual function of the breast. It took a while to get the "old" me back! 
,
September 03, 2009
...
This is great Kel, nice work. I totally believe that women (especially mothers) need to be kinder to each other. We all try to do the very best by our kids and shouldn't be so quick to judge one another. Thanks for sharing!
,
September 03, 2009
Booby Wars
Great article Kelli. When I became pregnant I was surprised to learn that so many women I know didn't breast feed. Not being at all familiar with pregnancy or having children, I had just assumed that everyone did these days - not sure where I got that from. I am now breastfeeding my first child and really enjoying it. But I fully understand how it just wouldn't suit some women. And I can see in my friends children that they are just as happy and healthy after being bottle fed. To each their own. Women need to band together and respect each others decisions about what's best for their child. I so get that now. Your article sums it up so well.
,
September 03, 2009
Judging, My God, the Judging!
Oh my god, I've been a "judger"...many times. Albeit, in my head, but still. "Her house is so messy - how lazy" or "Her house is too clean - mustn't spend enough time with her kids" or "She's so fit - how self absorbed" or "She's not fit enough - how lazy." Seems, we can't win no matter what we do. And breastfeeding! I've been both judged and have made judgments. I guess for me, it boils down to making comparisons to others and making assumptions based on my own insecurities. Bah! I know we all do it, however we should all try harder to butt out and let others do what works best for them. Thanks for this post Kelli.
,
September 03, 2009
Booby Wars
Breast milk and formula feeding are BOTH valid & healthy choices for baby! We shouldn't minimze the importance of a happy mom in the health of their baby. Mom's should (and have the right to) make a choice that fits their life! Great article!!
,
September 05, 2009
|
Booby Wars
Great article Kelli! It is the mother's decision to breastfeed or to use formula. Not everyone has it easy when they are breastfeeding. Everyone has their own reasons for choosing breastfeeding or for choosing bottles and they should not be judge for making the right decision for themselves. As long as you are happy and your baby is happy, that is all that matters!
,
September 05, 2009
...
In a world where there is so much pressure on Moms to "do the right thing"...especially first time Mothers...it's important for us to know that there are options and people who support all of them. A well written article which lets all women know that they are not alone in their decision to breast feed or not, and that there is no wrong decision, just their own personal one.
,
September 07, 2009
...
Kelli I couldn't agree more! Too many women are pressured into doing things they are not comfortable with... If a woman feels pressured into breastfeeding then it is going to be an unpleasant experience for both mom and baby.
,
September 08, 2009
...
As someone who has bucked convention by deciding not to marry or have kids at all, I totally support your decision - not because I think it is right or wrong either way, but because you chose what was best for you. Too bad most women who think they have 'done the right thing' can't see past looking down their own noses and admit that it's all about CHOICE.
Good for you!
,
September 11, 2009
|
GOOD FOR YOU
I'm all for women/moms making their own decisions based on what's best for them and their families. So, good for you, you did your thing as you should. Me no judgey. Good Luck!
,
September 11, 2009
|
Doing what is right
This has been said by everyone who posted before me, albeit in different words I'm sure.
We as mothers are given the responsibility to take care of our children. You made your decision not only out of your own desire to have control or your body again after 9 months but also because you knew that for you and your baby, you would need the rest you gained by not breasfeeding. I salute you! You knew from the beginning what was right for you and your child. Not every mother knows that. I tried to breastfeed both of my daughters. The oldest never liked it, was colicky and we both welcomed the bottle. The youngest was in NICU 30 plus miles away and me with no vehicle and another child to take care of. I pumped and took it to the hospital when I went, but we were never able to get the "process" perfected for actual breastfeeding. When she came home I went almost immediately to bottle feedings. We do what we feel is right.
,
September 11, 2009
|
Write comment |
More from EverythingMom
 |
Charts & Printables |
 |
Get Advice |
 |
Daily Horoscopes |
