My HBAC

Cody Ryan, Born at Home on March 22, 2009

I will start by saying that my idea of birth is that women grow the perfect baby for their body and give birth naturally.We had our idea of the perfect birth plan in place for the birth of my first son Jeremy. We had a good midwife and support team including 2 doula's and a supportive hospital near Atlanta, GA. We read everything you can think to read about natural birth. We even took a 10-week Bradley Method class. So much to our surprise we ended up with an emergency cesarean after about 10 hours of un-medicated labor, five of which was pushing. When it was all said and done we were blessed to have a healthy, beautiful 9lb 9oz baby boy. Even though everyone told me to feel blessed because he was alive and we were both healthy, I couldn’t help but feel like something wasn’t right. It was a very long hard recovery. I nursed my son for 19 months and together we worked through a very emotional journey. (please click on the Read More link to continue reading Gretchen's story...)

We moved to Erie, PA on March 21, 2008 and soon after I found the local chapter of ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network). They were very informative and inspirational. I started to believe in my body and the ability to birth a baby. My husband and I decided we were ready to have another baby. The next month we found out we were pregnant. YEAH and scary! What now? I need to have this baby the way I know my body can. So my husband and I had many talks about what we needed to do to have the experience we wanted. We came to the decision that I was ready to take the emotional and physical responsibility of a homebirth with a midwife. It was a wonderful 9 months filled with questions, fear, hope, inspiration and love. But most importantly I was able to have a supportive team that respected my choices and me! I had to heal from my surgical birth and know that I could trust my body and birth my baby. I read birth stories, talked to only a few very supportive people and drew birth art, inspired in part from the book Birthing From Within by Pam England and Rob Horowitz. I was ready and confident that my body knew how to naturally birth a baby. I still had some anxiety and fearful thoughts would creep in every now and then but I just talked about it with my support team and family and never let it consume me. I felt strong and ready. Now we wait.

Every morning for a week I told my little baby “you can come now we are ready.” I made lasagna and put it in the freezer for after the birth and I made my husband and my almost two-year-old son clean the house Saturday the 21st, one year to the day after moving to Erie. I even splurged Saturday night and had a piece of warm apple pie with vanilla bean ice cream. Yum! I was officially 39 weeks pregnant and feeling very ready to have this baby.

Much to my excitement I woke up Sunday morning at 3 am feeling a few mild contractions. I stayed in bed and was able to doze off to sleep waking up every now and then with a few contractions. By 5:30 am I was very uncomfortable in bed and decided to go to the living room to watch T.V. I didn’t want to wake my husband and my son Jeremy who were still sound asleep in our room. I sat quietly watching dating shows and infomercials, there is nothing on at 5:30 am Sunday morning! I rocked in our glider and continued to have contractions every 7-10 minutes lasting about 30 seconds each. At 7 am I needed to take a shower. My back was starting to hurt and I knew the hot water would help. I was also hoping I would wake the boys up so I could let them know we were probably going to add a new member to our family that day! I didn’t have any expectation about when the baby would come if it took 5 hours, great; if it took 3 days that would have to be great too. I needed to let go of control and just let my baby move down with each contraction. TRUST! Right! That is what I worked on; trust your body.

I was glad that when I got out of a very hot shower I heard my son’s sweet voice “Mommy, all done take a shower.” He was very happy to see me and I was glad they were awake. I sat on the edge of the bed and told my husband, Nate, that I had been having contractions since about 3 am. He said he knew something was up when I got out of bed at 5:30. He then got up on his knees and pretended to catch a baby and hand it to me. He looked at me and said “I’m ready, let’s do this.” We all got up and ate some eggs for breakfast. I sat on the couch and read to my son and laughed with my husband about what time was too early to call the birth team. Every time I had a contraction I would just sit quietly and think, “feel the baby move down.” It was a beautiful sunny day and I was in a very good mood. I called my birth team at about 8:30 am and let them know what was happening. I told them I wanted to labor alone and I would keep them up to date. I snacked on peanut butter toast and granola bars. I was able to drink a lot of water to stay hydrated. The contractions kept coming. I decided to take a short nap at about 9:30 am. I was able to get some sleep between contractions. I cuddled in my king-size bed all by myself; normally we have my son, two dogs and the two of us. It was nice to have some space. I listened to a relaxation CD and rested thinking I can trust my body to move my baby down and make sure everything was in the right position. I woke up about an hour later with back labor and wanted to take another hot shower. After my shower I called the birth team to let them know that everything was still ok and I would call them a little later in the afternoon.

The family all had lunch together. Then we took my son down to the basement to watch the movie “Bolt.” He dosed on my lap toward to middle of the movie and my husband took him up to his bed for his afternoon nap. I rocked downstairs as we finished the movie. I watched the results for American Idol - I had to know who got kicked off that week. When we were done watching T.V. we came upstairs. It was about 2:00pm and I told Nate I had to lie down for a little while. I was able to sleep on and off for an hour. I woke up with really bad back pain. I looked at Nate and said, “I think I want to call my midwife.” He said, “Then let’s call!” I talked to her for a few minutes and told her I thought I needed support. She said she had been biting her lip all day and was so excited to come over. I told Nate she was on her way and I wanted him to start filling the birth pool.

At this point it was about 3:30pm and I had been laboring for about 12 hours. The contractions started to pick up and were now every 5 minutes lasting 50 seconds to 1 minute. I had to close my eyes and really concentrate on my breathing to get through each one. I sat in the 3-ring plastic baby pool with a padded inflatable floor and colorful fish on the side until my midwife arrived. I got out of the pool so she could listen to the baby and check my status. It was about 4:30 and my blood pressure was perfect, the baby’s heart rate was in the 130-140s and I was 8 cm dilated. She said “you are in labor and it looks like you are going to have a baby today.” I went to sit on the toilet for a while and Nate drained about half the water in the pool and added hot water so I could get back in comfortably. I sat quietly in the bathroom listening to my midwife call her support midwife and Nate calling my doula. I laid my head against the bathroom wall and closed my eyes. Each contraction was harder then the last and I tried to relax, breath and visualize my baby moving down lower in the birth canal. My son got up right before the midwife arrived after a 3-hour nap and was in a great mood. I loved listening to him running around playing. I wanted him to be around and be as involved in the birthing process as he wanted.

I was sitting alone taking in all the wonderful sounds of home when Nate came in to tell me that everyone was on their way and ask if he could do anything for me. I decided at that time I wanted to move back to the pool. I sat down and relaxed in the warm water. It was wonderful. My doula arrived and sat next to me by the pool. I remember talking to my midwife about bed size. We agreed you needed to have a king size, a queen just would not do. We also talked about where to find a good deal on California-king sheets. As the contractions intensified I just closed my eyes and breathed deeply, making sure my shoulders and body were relaxed through each one. I had a wonderful doula for my son Jeremy who came over a few times during the previous month to really get to know him. She arrived and my son barely said two words to his dad he ran outside to play with her. My doula told me as soon as my son was taken care of and my husband was by my side my contractions really picked up. They became very intense and lasted longer. I had to moan and vocalize each contraction. I remember wanting to keep my eyes closed in between each one to help recover and prepare for the next. I threw up during my next set of contractions and my back started to really hurt. I was not comfortable sitting in the pool. I turned over on to my hands and knees and laid my head on the side of the pool with my husband’s hands on my back and shoulders. My doula put hot washcloths on my back and shoulders and rubbed my back with oil to help me relax. I remember them telling me that the pain was normal and my body was doing just what it should be. I remember hearing my midwife say, “You are so brave for doing this.” It was the perfect thing to say to me for some reason. I remember thinking I am brave and I can do this. I have to do this. There is no way I am getting in a car or ambulance right now. I can’t even open my eyes. There is no magical surgeon to swoop in and take the pain away. That’s not what I want! Trust! Trust my body to do what it needs to do.

Looking back at one of the pictures I see that my midwife was holding my head and supporting me at 6:40 (on her watch). I asked my husband later, “If Cody was born at 6:57 where the heck were you at 6:40!!” He said “I had no idea you were that close and I needed to put the lasagna in he oven.” I had this crazy need to plan and make sure the lasagna was done for everyone to have dinner. He was just doing what I asked. HAHA. Back at his post, supporting my head and whispering how much he loves me in my ear, I started feeling my body push. I remember thinking, “is this ok?” “Should I already be pushing?” I pushed for about 5 hours with Jeremy and I did NOT want to do that again. I went back to thinking TRUST! If my body needs to push, I need to push. I heard my sons voice near. I knew he was there. I wanted him there. My breathing slowed and I remembered to relax. I heard my midwife say, “whatever you are doing right now is perfect, you are opening beautifully. Just like the flower.” We had used the metaphor, open like a flower, naturally, slowly and in its own time. I was trying to breath and remember that each contraction was bringing my baby closer. I needed to listen to what I was feeling and give in to it. Just let my body work to bring me my baby. I was crying a little and I kept saying, “it really hurts. REALLY, REALLY hurts!” Everyone reminded me “you are doing just what you should be. All those feeling are ok.” I heard my other midwife say, “do you want to reach down and feel the head?” “No! No,” I exclaimed. I don’t want to change anything or move my position. I knew I needed to be just how I was to deliver this baby. I was not moving!

I heard my midwife say you are close to holding your baby. I thought “yeah right she says that to everyone!” I felt a lot of pressure and burning. “It’s just the water sack you are going great,” she said. “If the water sack hurts like that how in the world am I going to push a baby out,” I thought to myself! “Oh, another contraction! Ouch!” Then it happened - I felt the baby come out. First his head and I pushed again and he slipped right out, like it was nothing! What it relief! I had a baby! I did it!! I flipped over immediately so I could hold my beautiful baby. In doing so I dunked him in the water and wrapped the cord around his neck. My midwife said, “Just hold on one second.” I had to see, I had to hold him and know what the sex was. As I pulled him to my chest I remember looking down and saying “We have a boy! We did it Cody, you and me!”

I felt Nate and Jeremy’s hands on me as they looked over my shoulder at our new little baby boy. Jeremy was there for the last 10 minutes and was able to see his little brother come into this world. Jeremy was calm and relaxed. I don’t want him to ever think birth is scary. He just kept saying, “Baby came out of mommy’s belly in the wawa,” (water in toddler). It was everything I needed it to be. I delivered the placenta, Nate cut the cord and I got up to lay in bed with my two boys. Cody was born with the water sack around so no infections, blood mixing or bath to worry about. Native American legend says that if a baby is born with the water sack intact the baby will be a healer. How appropriate. He has already helped my family heal and I know that we were right to believe in natural birth and trust my body.

I took a shower and put on my clean nightgown. I climbed into bed just as they weighed my 9lb 2oz boy. He was 21 inches and perfect. Everyone held Cody and enjoyed lasagna. It was 10:00pm and my house was clean; clean sheets, dishes washed and dirty laundry in the machine. The birth team left and I was in bed nursing my new baby boy and holding my other son as we all drifted off to sleep.
Written by Gretchen

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